A few weeks ago I had a dream where I was painting on a large canvas with only magenta paint. It was messy, and not in my usual style.
The dream came after a long stretch of time where I felt unsure of what to do with my art.
A long time had passed, and I lost track of how long it had been since I had taken a brush to the canvas.
I also seemed to have lost track of why I was creating, along with the mess that came with it. Both physically and mentally.
I felt angry over the loss of the artistic muse, and when the muse had been around, we seemed to abuse one another in unhealthy ways. Me staying up too late, forgetting to eat. Drinking too much coffee to entice the creative muse to stick around a little longer. I'd leave my environment a mess, and feel angered over it. So, essentially, I kicked my creative muse aside while I purged the house and mind. I won't even touch on the issues I felt over ego. That is another post.
It had been decided that I would have a date with my creative muse, and come up with a contract on how we would start a healthier relationship, so I could continue to make art in a way that works for me.
I had never actually had a dream where I was painting before. In all the art I create, all the dreams I dream, and not once had I painted in my sleep. After deciding I would have this considerate date with the muse, she came to me first, in my sleep. It felt significant to me.
Two days later, after being fired up about my life path, and a few things I do that seem to pull me away from the creative life I crave, I grabbed a giant blank canvas, squeezed a large blob of magenta on my palette, and with all my frustration, I gave the muse 10 minutes of my time, and nothing more. Not even a second glob of paint.
This would be the first of our contract together. A small date.
She had told me midway through that it was nice to hear me, and not the noise of others. I had said that I couldn't stay up too late and paint. I needed to respect my time to rest.
I won't go into all the details of our contract together, but this canvas is with the energy of following my dreams. Literally. And.. seeing what comes of it. It's about respecting time and energy, but still making time to create, even when it feels like there isn't any time.
One color at a time. Just ten minutes. Just me.
Now, there seems to be more to this story.
The second session I had with this canvas, I saw green. A bright, light green. And my question to the muse was, "Where are we going to create with this color green?"
This has been a frustration of mine, that I don't really have a studio to create, and I was almost willing to dump all my art supplies in the name of no mess. I had no where to settle it seemed.
I set up shop at my dining table and in the window sill, a cup with the word dream on it. Yes. A sign I am following my dream. In this case it was so literal..
Inside that cup, were care instructions for Gotu Kola herb.
Two nights later, I dreamed I was fixing the habitat for my gotu kola. So, like my magenta dream, I followed it, right to ace hardware for playground sand and fixed the habitat straight away. As I mixed in the sand, my suffering plant sent me a message.
"My roots were being smothered."
Were these dreams connected?
As in, you can have some great nutrient dense materials around you, and still be smothered to death without the right amount of grit to utilize what you've got? Purge what is too much, even if it is rich and useful. It's not usable if you don't have the rooted system to take it all in. That is how I felt in a general sense.
Here is where Magenta dream is at for now. I left off with thalo blue. My favorite paint. It is a bit of a challenge for me to just use one paint color at a time. This is what I am working on, while learning how to better manage the other side of art. And of course, my sweet Gotu Kola, which is a cherished plant in herbal medicine. It promotes clarity, and a general sense of wellbeing. And She is now thriving after our dreaming together.
Thank you for reading,